The In-Between Girl

I'm an in-between girl. Let's just stop with idle chat and get down to what the root of what that means. By in-between girl I mean I normally sit in between the two sides of myself. I adjust based on situation. When I'm with a certain group of friends I can be the carefree girl who loves to go out and socialize, joke around, laugh a lot, do crazy things I wouldn't imagine doing, etc, etc. And then I can also be the girl who sits down with someone over coffee and talks about really heavy shit, like what's the meaning of life, or is that painting on the wall by Lora Zombie (oh wait jk, there's probably nothing by her hanging up cause she's so new and underground oooooohhhhhh). Blah blah blah.

So naturally, this is hard for me. Who the heck am I????
Do I want to be some spunky cool girl that knows what she wants and won't take crap from noboday?
Do I want to be the calm, collected girl with a good head on her shoulders?
Do I want to be the girl who people know as fun to be with, and adventerous?

I still can't decide. Once I get comfortable with myself, I question it all over again.

I love art, I love music, I love having fun, but I love being a hermit in my house and not talking to people haha.

I love talking about life, but I also like talking about cheese.

I wish I could just decide. I wish I could be really great at one thing.

I wish I knew a lot about pop culture, or a lot about theology, or maybe anthropology, or maybe art history, or....WAIT, I want to know everything.

I don't want to be mediocre any longer though. I know I can't be superwoman. ....thanks to http://rookiemag.com/archive/ ....which you should totally check out.

And that's OKAY. But I still want to be someone, and I think it's time I DO something about it instead of sitting here whining about it.

Instead of saying, "I'll paint that really cool thing I had in my head tomorrow," I'll do it today!
Instead of saying, "I'll go to the coffee shop and talk to a random person for no reason," I'll do it today!
Instead of saying, "Maybe I'll get that tattoo on my wrist I've been wanting for 3 years now," I'll go ask about it!
Instead of saying, "Maybe I'll go to London in mid-July and spend the only money I've ever made for no reason and not tell my parents," I'll do it.......jk.....maybe.....that's my latest ambition....hah....

Anyway, I just wanted to post this, as a little self reminder.

Race and Religion

I love moments that you don't expect to be eye-opening or moving.

Today a few moments like that happened.

A friend of mine asked me to be in a pageant for the "black" sorority here on campus. I've talked a lot about race, and it's a heavy topic, but I really am intrigued by it. I'm going to use the words black and white, because I don't think they should have negative connotations to them, if race is merely something we categorize by color then we should be able to use this words without adding so much heaviness and negativity behind them.

But, signing up for this event, I was a little nervous. At the beginning of the year I noticed that GIRLS (just girls) seem to flock to other girls of their own race. White girls cling to white girls, black girls cling to black girls. It was odd, I didn't really understand it. Coming from home where two of my best friends were black, and coming here I was confused.

As the semester has gone on I've met some amazing girls; some girls are black, some girls are white, I've met a girl who is from Nepal, a girl from India, and the list goes on. But what I really wanted to talk about, is how regardless of all of this, the stereotypes are SO implanted into our heads, that it's hard to hide them.

When my friend asked me about participating in this event, I was nervous. I was the only white girl to be in it, and with the ideas I got from the beginning of the year I expected to walk into a room and feel an instant hostility.

But this wasn't the case. Immediately the girls were welcoming, asking me if I was Becca, joking around about the boys in the room, etc. I was so pleasantly surprised. And if that wasn't enough, the boys who are technically in this pageant, each have a talent, and some of them blew me away.

I've never thought about how churches are somewhat separated by the race that backs them up. I feel like there is the stereotypical white church where we sing hyms and all bore each other today, and there is the stereotypical black church where people sing and clap and have louder services in general.

But, it doesn't matter.

Churches can be separated, races can be separated, but in the end the common love for Jesus Christ reigns in all of them. (Sorry I'm mainly focusing on Christianity because that's all I really know, ha.)

Two of the boys in the group today expressed their love for our Lord in such a powerful way. I've never experienced a "God moment," quite like that one. Being surrounded by people of a different race, and having two boys present their talents in love for their Savior, was amazing.

They didn't do some booty dance, or do a comedy act making fun of people....they gave us a message about how we can step back and nothing will get us through the day like our Lord will.

I was so moved by this. Again, stereotyping right from the start, I was expecting some dumb talent, or a lack of care for religion or Christ at all from this group of people. And I think that's a pretty terrible presumption.

I feel like this opened my eyes in a small and big way. I think I initially thought that there's no way these people could have such strong connections to Christ, because I don't see them in my daily community (church, youth group, etc.). But they do!!! And their faith is so strong...it was extremely inspiring.

I wonder what other ties there are to race and religion besides the focus between black and white "races." There's probably so much more to it, and I'm extremely interested to look more into it.

Again, I've posted about race before, and I apologize for how long this is. I just want to remember how moving and amazing a HUMAN'S faith can be.

Italy and Language

I was doing my British literature homework and ironically we're reading a whole book by an Italian writer, it makes so much sense! But seriously.

I think I've officially decided that I'm going to HAVE to go to Italy through a study abroad program. I've been bouncing between Italy and Ireland for so long, but my friend from the Netherlands said Italy first, Ireland second. And all signs lead me to Italy!

But, I need to learn the language, desperately! And the thing is, I WANT to learn the language, unlike Spanish...blegh, just not a fan of it. But! Back to my reason for bringing up Brit Lit, the passage started with, "Our language falls far short of the
charms of the Italian, both for variety and harmony."

And it's funny that it's not just OUR language, but every language can fall short of this. We all live a different reality. We all refer to different things, and in unique ways. Americans probably have more words for cars than Eskimo Inuits do. As they have more words for snow. The reason our language falls short, in my opinion, is becaues I feel like we do not have the romantic, lively, beautiful (oh the list goes on in my mind) culture and environment that Italy does. So why have words to describe things like these? Well we don't, because there is no reason to.

AH.

Maybe I need to cut America some slack, but hey. The grass is always greener right?
Hopefully I can spend some time learning a bit on my own, and go from there.

Bella giornata....
have a lovely day :)

Passion Encounters

So I've been pretty bad at keeping up with my posts...my inner social networking soul took over and splurged by adding myself to the Tumblr and Pinterest community.

I was obsessed with pictures for awhile there.

Not many people read this, because it has no point, but here are some passion updates.
Since being back at school, I've switched my major to Visual Communications (basically graphic design), and I'm minoring in Anthropology.

So I'm going to be the next millionare, NOT. It's cool though.

While sumberged in a college environment, where pressure is high, and expectations are higher, it's hard to keep focus on the things that make you passionate about life.

I've always known that I'm the type who has the potential to seriously feel so many different emotions, and I derive them from music, art, culture, relationships, books, etc. And I've told myself over and over that I should never take the path that I think I should take, I should take the path I want to take. So simple of a concept, so hard to follow through with.

I switched to VisComm last semester and decided to take up a minor in Anthropology, because the sticky note attached to the forefront of my brain read, "Becca. Stop majoring in something you hate. Stop thinking about minoring in something you hate. Enjoy your life, don't sacrifice the riches of passion for the riches of material." That's one long sticky note....anyway....

It's been a hard decision to make. But I'm so excited about my new classes, and the PEOPLE I am meeting. Above is a picture of the art studio, well a section of it at least. I met with a girl after class to work on a project, didn't know her at all.

We walked in, and she immediately asked about music, we started talking. We talked about culture, and studying abroad. We talked about infatuation with stupid guys, and she proceeded to whip out an article she read in Psychology Today about infatuation in general. We talked about books, and how everything makes us FEEL SOMETHING. It's crazy, but these are moments I savor.

(No offense to some fellow Communications majors out there...my old major...) But I never met anyone like this as a Comm major! Find what suits you, meet those who intrigue you, hold on to those that inspire you.

I'm really aiming for a life full of enriching experiences. I'm signing up for a service sorority, and I'm hoping I get in (they randomly choose), I'm helping the local radio station make a poster for a masquerade rave, I'm helping my friends in my Advertising club make business cards, I'm signing up to be an Art Director at the magazine I work at, I'm meeting with a friend to start playing music, I'm making my own font in my Typography class, and the list goes on and on!

What I'm trying to say is that I've been afraid all my life. I've been afraid to pick a college that's too plain and boring, I've been afraid to dress differently, I've been afraid to switch majors, I've been afraid of so many things. And I've finally gained the strength to trudge through all this fear, because these moments I'm experiencing and the life I'm immersed in is what I'm going to carry with me, what I'm going to share. I hope I can keep this up. 

                                 I feel like that's what I just did to you, sorry. :)